30 Day Photo challenge- Day 26

A photo of something that means a lot to you

So I Dont have a photo of my house because it i a hideous Smurfy blue. Thank you previous tenants. I am hoping the landlord will allow me to pant it soon. I may have to wait until after September, if the weather holds, otherwise it'll wait until next summer.
ANY WHO.. my homes means the most to me because of what lies inside. My whole world is in my home. My family, my heart. It is wear I hold everything dear to me.Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 25

A photo of your day

My days are filled with laughter, tears an all that lies in between. For now, I am lucky enough to be able to spend my days with my favorite people, my children. I love being a stay at home mother. Some days I miss having the 9-5, the money definitely and I will be forced to return again one day (probably soon) so for now I cherish every second, no matter how bad Id like to tear my hair out. Because one day all too soon they will be grown and moving on with their own lives and I will be left to wallow on a cruise ship somewhere... in a hot tub.... with the love of my life... :)


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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 24

A photo of something you wish you could change

I wish I would have fought harder for my marriage. I wish I wouldn't have let other people dictate how I handle my life. If only I would have been stronger, more adamant about him cleaning up his act, maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. Sure I wouldn't have Olivia and that kills me to think about... but...

No!! I was right to leave... My heart wants to change it but my brain knows I did the right thing. I needed to know I could make it on my own, away from him. I needed to see that his problem was NOT caused by me, which he proved when he was sent to prison. I needed it to allow myself to heal some wounds. Sure I love him, he is my best friend and I pray for him every day and when he gets out I want us to be together but now we BOTH know how it needs to be!!Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 23

A photo of your favorite book

Ok, so A lot of people may expect me to answer this one WAY differently. Let me tell you YES I LOVE TWILIGHT but it is NOT m favorite book. Im about to go a lil nerdy on ya's. The Wheel of Time series is my all time favorite book (series). I can read them all over and over and over again.

I also must admit, that it wasn't always this way. I have spent YEARS denying my husband the satisfaction of turning me onto this book. Making excuses that it just wasn't my genre and I wasn't THAT girl. LOL Right before I gave birth to my oldest boy (he is 5 now, almost 5.5) I gave in. I was home about to have a baby and bored out of my mind! So while he was at work I read the first two books LMAO I was hooked. I kept it a secret for a while but he busted me and laughed at me but from then on we read then together. Every night we read for a bit and then talked about it all.

I love thinking of those nights we would talk about the books until 2-3 am. Then be shocked we had spent that much time "only talking" before we would get busy. :D

OK, so this series holds a special place in my heart. For a few different reasons. :DPin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 22

A photo of something you wish you were better at

I wish I could stay motivated! I dont know how to keep on keeping on. I can get a few days, weeks or even months out of myself but I get bored. I get lazy and I just give up. I do the bare minimum of whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish. Weight control is my biggest failure. I have spent years working out and denying myself the simplest pleasures because I want to be thin. It's just not in me. I guess I'm meant to be a bigger girl, I just wish I could be confident with my big girl-ness.Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 21

A photo of something you wish you could forget

Like a bad taste in my mouth, Id love to forget this 10 month portion of my life. The only good thing that came from this "field trip" is my beautiful baby girl. The mountains were gorgeous! The summer air was dry and cool and I will never regret going but I hate Colorado!!Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 20

A photo of somewhere you'd love to travel

IRELAND
Not only is this the majestic motherland of my people, it is the most gorgeous country. Fields made of every shade of green you can imagine. I've always wanted to be a Galway girl! :D One day, Ill make it home!! May not be for a few years (when the kids are old enough to really appreciate it) but Ill make it back and if I have my way Ill spend the rest of my days there, aging blissfully with my old Irish hubby by my side!



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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 19

A photo of you when you were little

YES! I know! I was adorable!! and YES I wore glasses LOL. Not sure why my mom wore them, she didn't need them back then! I've needed them my whole life but once school started the kids made fun of me so I threw them away or washed them... I found a way to get rid of them. Now, I cant see LOL I wish I would have worn them like I needed to but what can I do now? This is my mom and me back in the good ole days before she shacked up with my evil step father! Now now now... dont judge me.. the guy was a major doosh bag! Liked to beat up on little kids when he was drunk and spend our rent money on drugs! Needless to say, I have no love for the man! Sure he gave my mom my brother and sister THANKS ASSHOLE!! (jk)but still...

Anyways - we lived close to my grandma and papa when this was taken! I was the favorite (and only) grand child. My uncles still loved me and I could do no wrong... I miss those days!Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 18

A photo of your biggest insecurity

I've crossed the line from thick to fat and I hate it. Today's society wants lean, thin, skinny people and no matter how much I try I can't get there. I want to! I really do. I diet, I exercise and I just cant do it. I was thick before I had kids, then everyone just started lying to me. I put on 80lbs with my oldest. Didn't lose any of it and put on an extra 40 with my second. It took me 3 years of killing myself exercising and drooling over cookies but never having them to drop 70 lbs. Then I got pregnant with Olivia. Don't get me wrong. That little girl saved my life. I would ever had known about my cervical cancer without her. BUT I was put on extreme bed rest at 8 weeks and not taken off until 36 weeks. I had her 2 weeks later. I gained 64lbs. I am heart broken. I'm sitting here 9 weeks post partum crying my eyes out because my husband will get out and see me and be disgusted. I'm kicking my ass 4 days a week doing cardio workouts for 2 hours each day, walking everyday and eating all the right things and NONE of the bad things.... and after a month I go to the doctors to see Ive GAINED 5 lbs. I want to die. I dont want to live this life anymore. I'm unhappy. I'm miserable. I wish I was born in another life, in Ireland where the woman are PRIZED for being bigger. A bigger woman means a man will eat better and have strong babies and blah blah blah... all it means here in America in 2012... some skinny bitch will sleep with your husband while you're at work, or grocery shopping or out of town. The constant fear of being "replaced" with a younger, more sexier model is not only a fear but an anxiety I live with daily.Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 17

A photo of something that has made a huge impact in your life recently

Not that the words have to be said, but my daughter is the most amazing gift I have ever received. I didn't think Id ever meet her but after a long road of expecting nothing, she was given to me. She lights my world and I am so thankful that bad choices I made brought her to me. If nothing else, I have her. Ill cherish her forever, as well as my boys but there is just something different about having a little girl. I've always been proud to be a mommy and I've always be the best mommy I can be but this little girl makes me want to strive eve harder to be as close to perfect as I can get. The boys have role models, their dad (although he's made some bad choices) is a great dad and a good man (when he is clean and sober), the boys have uncle Kelly and Grandpop and Joe Joe. Olivia has me. Unless Sonny's family decide to become a part of her life (they are still a little standoff-ish) then I'm what shes got. And my mom but that's another can of worms. I love her to pieces and I vow to be the best role model I can be. Not just show her how to do the girly things like makeup and dresses or cooking and baking and cleaning but how to be a strong independent white woman in today's male egotistical society where even the minorities (whom are the real majorities) will put her down. I wont stand for it! Not my girl! She'll be the toughest girl in this town!!Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 16

A photo of someone who inspires you

This is NOT my teacher! BUT it represents a teacher! Mrs. Vicki Sarris! 4th grade teacher at Mayfair Elementary school in Philadelphia, Pa.

The summer before my fourth grade year, my family had one tragedy after another. My mother almost died during a routine surgery, well she did die, twice on the table before being revived. That same summer my biological father committed suicide. The father I never really knew.. It was a rough year for me. I was very depressed, suicidal at times. I had no one to turn to, my mom was still in recovery, my step dad was too busy doing drugs and screwing his mistress. I was alone, until I started school.

Mrs. Sarris pulled me out of a horrible time in my life. She saved me and helped set me on the path I WAS on before I turned into a teenager (:D). She is my inspiration for all time, I will always remember what she did for me and when I feel like I cant go on anymore, when times are tough, her voice is in my head, telling me to hold on that GOD has a plan and I just need to give it all to him to deal with.

Thank you for reaching out and holding my hand when I was in the worst position of my childhood!! I will be ETERNALLY grateful.Pin It

Weight Gain

Olivia has FINALLY started gaining some good weight!! We went to the doctor today and she weighed in at 10lbs and 6 oz. 23 inches long with a head circumference of 15 3/8 inches. We will keep her on the high calorie formula for another month and we will weigh in again. If she is doing good, we will switch back to normal formula!! So we shall see!! They want her to gain almost 2 more pounds before they will switch her!!
She also had her 2 month vaccinations today. Poor thing, she screamed. It was horrible. The boys red and were easily consolable. Not Olivia, sh was very upset and nothing helped. She eventually calmed down (obviously) but is still needy, so she will be sleeping in mamas bed tonight!!

I saw my doctor today as well. Did some blood tests and found out my iron levels are picking up. We will check back in 6-8 months and see if they are higher or if they dive again. If they dive, Ill need more infusions, if not then we will re-check every year. Were doing more tests on my thyroid, doc is worried. We will see how things turn out in a few weeks. Other than that all is quiet around here. Just another day in my busy life!!
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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 15

A photo of something you want to do before you die

SKY DIVING!
I think it would be the most exhilarating thing in the world to do and I want to do it over and over again!! It's crazy expensive so Id have to win the lottery to do it but WOW!! I can only imagine the rush of adrenaline this would give someone!!

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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 14

A photo of someone you couldn't imagine your life without

As much as she drives me absolutely insane, I love her to death. She has lived with me for the last 2 years and I can honestly say, Id be lost without her. She has horrible habits and is downright psycho some days but Im glad she lives with me!! I love you mom!!Pin It

30 Day Photo challenge- Day 13

A photo of your favorite band/artist

I have a great appreciation for all things music. I listen to all genres and have favorites for all of them. While I generate more towards heavy metal and country, Ive even been known to put on a little pop or even rap. Here are some of my faves from different kinds of music!

Five Finger Death Punch

 Chelsea Grin

 Taylor Swift

 Deftones

 Nicki Minaj

 Mariah Carey

Carrie Underwood

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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 12

A photo of something you love

ALL THINGS SUGAR! I am horribly, nastily addicted to sweets! Its completely counter productive to my health but its so bad I wake up in the middle of the night sneaking sweets!! How gross is that?? Its something I haven't been able to control since I was a kid and today I am overweight and cant get it under control.. I'm a mess!!


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2 months old

Today my chubby baby girl is 2 months old. I am not sure where that 2 months went but it was here and gone in the blink of an eye!! I love her so much, its insane. I love my boys to death but there is something different about having a girl. Im not sure exactly what makes it different, it just is!!

Olivia is 10.25lbs & 22.5 inches long. She is holding her head up on her own for longer periods of time and has started laughing along with her constant smiles.

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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 11

A photo of something you hate

Liars and cheaters are the ONLY thing I cannot overcome in this world. Any other crime can somehow, someway be forgiven but lying and cheating to those you love.... IRREVERSIBLE and UNFORGIVABLE! There is no grey area here either, its very black and white to me!


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30 Day Photo challenge- Day 10

A photo of someone you do the most screwed up things with

Sonny is probably the only person in the world who qualifies for this photo spot. We have been through so much together. We fell in love beyond all odds and created life over and over again, we have sent each other to jail, we have used and abused each other to the point others get sick thinking of us, but in the end were best friends. We have been to hell and back more than once and always come out swinging and head over heels for each other, we are great yet terrible and it all depends on us. No one else in my life fits today's description other than him.


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30 Day photo challenge - Day 9

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

This is my best friend. Megan. She has been my best friend far longer than anyone realizes. She has been by my side supporting me for years, even if we weren't that close. I always knew I could
(and can) count on her. She was my rock when I needed her to be and neither of us realized it Until I moved 1400 miles away. Then it became heart breakingly clear to me. Now that I'm back, Its hard for me to think of a time when we weren't friends. High school, I guess. I was a presumptuous ass with anger issues and didn't think she'd wanna be friends with me! Wish Ida taken a chance back then and just said HEY! Dummy me, but were friends now and that's what matters! She is an amazing friend, a wonderful mom and an overall beautiful soul! I am a better person for having her in my life!

I LOVE YOU MEG! LIKE IT OR NOT YOU'RE MY BFF!!



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