I've crossed the line from thick to fat and I hate it. Today's society wants lean, thin, skinny people and no matter how much I try I can't get there. I want to! I really do. I diet, I exercise and I just cant do it. I was thick before I had kids, then everyone just started lying to me. I put on 80lbs with my oldest. Didn't lose any of it and put on an extra 40 with my second. It took me 3 years of killing myself exercising and drooling over cookies but never having them to drop 70 lbs. Then I got pregnant with Olivia. Don't get me wrong. That little girl saved my life. I would ever had known about my cervical cancer without her. BUT I was put on extreme bed rest at 8 weeks and not taken off until 36 weeks. I had her 2 weeks later. I gained 64lbs. I am heart broken. I'm sitting here 9 weeks post partum crying my eyes out because my husband will get out and see me and be disgusted. I'm kicking my ass 4 days a week doing cardio workouts for 2 hours each day, walking everyday and eating all the right things and NONE of the bad things.... and after a month I go to the doctors to see Ive GAINED 5 lbs. I want to die. I dont want to live this life anymore. I'm unhappy. I'm miserable. I wish I was born in another life, in Ireland where the woman are PRIZED for being bigger. A bigger woman means a man will eat better and have strong babies and blah blah blah... all it means here in America in 2012... some skinny bitch will sleep with your husband while you're at work, or grocery shopping or out of town. The constant fear of being "replaced" with a younger, more sexier model is not only a fear but an anxiety I live with daily.Pin It
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