I don't have many memories of my father. I apparently met him when I was 2-ish but I obviously don't remember this, I do however, remember meeting him when I was 6. OK, so a little background music is needed for this load of drama. LOL My mom was born and raised under a rock. Her parents kept a tight noose around her neck and the first boy who showed her a bit of interest, she "fell" for. Classic daddy-issue storyline I guess... So she "dated" my dad for about a month. Within this time she ran away from home and my dad talked his parents into letting her move in - if memory serves me correctly a lie was told to my dads mother to get her to agree for my mother to stay. Any who, they bumped uglies for a month (my mom swears she only let him touch her once and it hurt so bad he was banned from Poonani land - don't worry I called bullshit too) Either way she got pregnant but before she could tell my father, some drama happened and he allegedly fooled around with another girl so my mom left him. The facts are not clear (as I only have my moms account and other family members account- but not my fathers) So bottom line she left and didn't allow him to be a part of the pregnancy or of my life until I was 2-ish (as far as I'm aware)
There is a video of him coming to visit me when I am 2-ish. Not only am I drop dead adorable but you can see in my eyes, that I am head over heels in love with my daddy. You can tell he was a man I knew. I don't know how well I knew him or how often I got to see him but we had a connection! My mom met my step dad before I turned 3 and moved me across the country to Pennsylvania. I grew up only knowing my step father until I was 6 almost 7. One day my mom took me to my room and told me (and I remember this very clearly) "Vivian, you have another father. His name is Vern and he wants to get to know you - He sent you this tape and this letter". OK so let me say this, my 6/7 year old self was BLOWN AWAY! I felt betrayed and lied to and partly neglected. Why wasn't he in my life up until this point? What made him change his mind and want me now?
I found out that when I was 2 (shortly after the time of the video tape) he was in a really bad car wreck. He was standing in the back of a pickup when the pickup wrecked. I don't know (nor do I want to know) the details but he was severely brain damaged and didn't know people who were in his daily life let alone remember a daughter he barely knew. NOW, this next part I don't know if its accurate or a version that I let myself believe - When I was 6/7 my father had a dream of a little red headed girl (that's me) standing at the foot of his bed calling for help. He walked from Rialto to Riverside California the next day and waited for my grandparents to come home. The reason I don't know if this is a fantasized version is because at the EXACT point in time my step father was abusing me. HE was an alcoholic (still is) and I had gotten into my mothers perfume and he took it upon himself to beat the shit out of me. A grown man hit me like I was a man, at 6 years old. I went to school so scared of him, I told everyone that I fell out of a moving car (I got the idea because I actually had a week or so before that but was not injured in the face but that is another case of child neglect on my parents part.. they didn't even take me to the hospital and I fell out of a moving car INTO oncoming traffic in the middle of a rain storm.. yea) I only told one of my friends what really happened and while I was in the bathroom at recess she told the teacher the truth. Child protective services was called in, my mother stood up for him. Long story short - nothing ever happened that I am aware of. I think he spent a night, maybe a weekend in jail and had to leave our house for a little while BUT NOT LONG and NOT indefinitely.
So back to my memory... My real father had a dream about me when all of this was going on... Fate! This photo is from the summer before I turned 8 (so about a year after he first contacted me). My mother took me and my little brother and sister from Philadelphia to Riverside California to visit my grandmother for the summer. During this time I was allowed to meet my real father. This photo was taken the day I met him. He came to my grandmothers house and met me. I never once felt awkward. I felt like I had known him everyday of my short life. My mom agreed for all of us (my mom and dad, myself and my brother and sister)to go to his house and spend a few hours there so that my mom could see it was safe. I ended up being allowed to stay with him for one week. It was probably the greatest week of my life. We went to a carnival and I met everyone in his family. Both my uncles and my grandparents. I even had a step sister.. kinda. My dad was engaged to her mom. She was a spoiled rotten brat. There was an incident where we were going to watch a movie and my dad said we could watch any movie we wanted. Me being the tom boy without my mom around wanted to watch a scary movie, the bratty girly girl wanted to watch some Barbie shit. Well she threw a fit because my dad and her mom said since I was the guest it was my pick. Well I probably should have compromised but I got a little excited seeing my daddy stand up for me and I stood my ground. She threw a full out tantrum!!! So my dad poured his cup of water on her! IT WAS HILARIOUS!! Her mom was pretty upset and she OBVIOUSLY was but oh well LMAO!! I stayed for a total of 5 days before I started to miss my mom and my siblings. While it was great being with him, I missed my family that I grew up with. So he took me home and we made plans for me to visit the next summer. I didn't get to go but that's another story for another day.
This photo holds a lot of emotion for me. When I see it, I am overwhelmed with love and guilt and happiness and sadness all at the same time. But it is STILL my favorite memory!
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