Almost 6 years ago (it'll be 6 years ago this spring), I met the love of my life. The only person in the world that could understand everything about me. The only person (of the opposite sex) that wouldn't ever judge me for past transgressions, he had plenty of his own (I learned over the years). From the moment we met, he was my best friend. I was a school girl with him. We stayed up late and talked for hours on end without it being sexual. Over the course of the next month he would become my closest friend and I felt comfortable telling him everything. He was a recovering (at least I thought he was in recovery) meth addict. I didnt judge him, who was I to judge him? He wanted to do better and was trying, so I wouldnt abandon him. About 2 months into our friendship (the first month we were strictly friends) I found out I was pregnant. I was 19 and he was 29. He already had 3 kids and we weren't expecting this at all. Getting to detailed I suppose... Over the next 2 years we ended up having 2 kids all together. You met them earlier :) Sonny was finally able to kick the Meth habit (when our oldest was a newborn) We got engaged and became even closer, if that was possible. Sonny however, has a very addictive personality and started drinking more and more often. I didn't see the red flags at first but after our youngest was about 3-4 months old, we had our first "incident" and he was sent to jail for assault IV: domestic violence. It was a very rough time for us. We were scheduled to be married less than 30 days later. I know, a lot of you are thinking to yourselves, DONT DO IT, but I did, against everyone's advice. I loved him, how could I not stand by him? He had a problem and needed help. I couldn't abandon him just because of that. So I did stick by him and I did everything I could to help him get out of trouble so that he could concentrate on getting the help he needed. Anywho, unfortunately this was not the last time something like this happened. About 5-6 months later it happened again and again another 5-6 months later and I always stayed. Hell the third time I actually fought back. Okay, so I more than fought back, I kicked his ass, I was sick and tired of being pushed around and man handled and manipulated, lied to and everything else I had been going through all while trying to be a good wife. I really wanted to make it work. I loved him so deeply and I knew he could be my ONE but he needed help and he wasn't getting it.
Child Protective Services stepped in, to my utter disappointment and told me if I didn't take the kids and leave him they would take them from me. That's when I knew I had to go. I had nowhere to go though. So, the state put the boys and I into a battered women and children's shelter. I was horrified and embarrassed and I missed my best friend. Even though I knew he wasn't himself at the moment.
After a month of being at the shelter and saving every penny from my paychecks I was finally able to afford my own apartment. It was my first on my own at all. I had lived with family until I met Sonny and we moved into together. With 2 kids (Lucas was 2 and Mark wasn't quite 1 yet) and I was scared to death. I didn't know how to manage my own house but I did it and over the next year and a half I became a very independent mother. Sonny was in and out of our lives both as a father a friend and my husband again. After living apart for so long and talking with his probation officers and councelors who all said he was doing wonderfully, we decided to try again. So, I packed up the boys and myself (and my mother and sister by this time) and we moved into his house. Conveniently located right next door to his sisters house.
Things were heaven, for a few weeks and then it came to light that he had manipulated everyone in his life and was drinking (heavily) the entire time. He stooped so low, as to hide in the closet when I came home from work one day because he was drunk. A month and 4 days after we moved in, I had to call the police again. I was truly devastated. I knew it was over and 30 days after he left our home again (he was staying with friends) I filed for divorce. My bosses approached me about relocating and I thought it was perfect timing. I accepted and as soon as the divorce was finalized, i packed up the van with as much as it could carry and the boys, my mom and I headed off to Colorado. we stayed there 10 months (another story for another day) and then Sonny actually flew to Colorado to drive us back to Oregon. To our home, where we belonged. Not to Sonnys house, he had a girlfriend (again another story) but to a home of our own not horribly far away. We had talked a lot about him moving up towards us (he said he was leaving his girlfriend - they'd only been together a month or so) and we started making plans to not be together but to work on us as parents and maybe one day.... well we never finished it. He had done so well since we left, the whole trip home (almost 3 full days) we talked and laughed and joked and I realized he was the man I had llen in love with again and it was a bittersweet emotion I felt. I was happy he was back and in my life and so sad that we were not together. Bittersweet the taste.
Anyway.. sorry, I warned previous readers I get long winded. Sonny was on his way to my house to help us unpack and spend time as a family when he was in a car accident. It was his fault and he was not injured (and neither was anyone else THANK GOD) but he was drunk and drinking and driving. He was arrested and booked and spent the last 2 months in county jail while going to court and being sentenced to 14 months in prison. Probation violation so they revoked his probation and we found out yesterday that he is going to prison. He was sent away yesterday to intake which means right before Christmas he is out of contact.
Thus why it has been so hard on the boys and I this year. Even though we have had our issues we have ALWAYS been together on Christmas, until this year. Its really hard on Lucas, Mark has ADHD so he doesn't pay attention much but mentions daddy every once in a while and me.... well.. my best friend is gone and I cant get him back and I don't know what to do. There is more to all of this story but the bottom line is I miss my best friend.
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