Today

So as any of you could tell. Today was really hard for me. The woman that thinks she is with Sonny decided today of all days to rub it in my face that she had him before he went to prison. She changed her FB pic to one of them looking very happy and my pregnancy hormones got the best of me. I completely lost it. In his letters to me, he writes how he loves me and wants us to be a family again and how he cant to wake up next to me and he is only surviving where he is because he knows each day is one more day closer to us. So today after seeing the photo change on facebook and talking to a few mutual friends, I decided to write her, not to start any trouble but as a woman I felt she had the right to know that he was (in everyones opinion) playing both sides. She was saying he told her he was going to marry her and they would live happily ever after once he was released so I let her know that is writing me telling the sweet nothings I want to hear as well. I told her I was only telling her because I would want to know if the roles were reversed. She wrote me back calling me a hallucinogenic whore that didnt know how to let go. My heart broke. She said I was too stupid to know when the game was lost and she was the victor, she one his heart and she didnt believe my lies. He wouldnt do that to her. I tried to inform her that he was obviously doing it to the both of us if what she was saying was true about what he was telling her. She called me a few more choice names and then blocked me on facebook. So now I am more confused then ever. I went back to his letters and read them aloud to my mom and asked her if I was reading to far into things, if my pregnancy hormones were having me romanticize the situation. Everyone I have talked to since agrees there is NO WAY to misinterpret his words. He says things like how he cant wait to wake up next to me and love his family with his big fat dog (I have his dog) or sit around the house and watch Kathy (my mother) do something rediculously funny (as she is prone to us making fun of her). He calls me "his love" and calls me by my pet name "button".

My brain hurts from thinking everything over and over and over and my heart breaks everytime I think if her hateful words and the worst part is.... until he gets out Ill never trust it. I wont be able to say for sure its me he wants... IF it is me he wants he is going to have to prove it and actions are all that can do that. Words mean nothing to me at this point. Im so lost in the betrayal and the pain that Im not sure Ill find my way back out any time soon.

Thats how my Christmas went...Pin It